Saying NO in November

Why do we continue to say yes, when what we really want to say is 'no'? It could be that we believe that saying no is uncaring, or perhaps even selfish...or they may have a fear of letting other people down.

On top of this , there could be an underlying fear of being disliked, criticised, or risk losing a friendship.

We can get so used to saying yes and pleasing others that we don’t even know what we want, or what our needs are. But if your life is so tightly packed with other people’s requests that you don’t have time for what really matters to you – or worse, your mental health is at risk – it is time to make a change.

When you start saying no, it can indicate respect for yourself and the other person.. I know that may sound odd, but by doing this, you're being open and honest - two very important qualities that help cultivate healthy relationships/friendships. Who knows, you may even inspire them to set healthy boundaries with you or others in the future, which could improve those relationships as well. Sounds like a win/win situation to me!

Another thing for you to consider.....if you said no more, what COULD you be saying yes to? More self-care, better mental health? More time with your family, pets, friends? Working on your passion project? Allow the possibilities to inspire your 'no'.

Okay, so hopefully I have put together a pretty solid case for why saying 'no' is important...but HOW do you go about saying 'no'? Well, here are a few little tips on how you can start staying 'no';

Keep your response simple - if you want to say 'no', be firm and direct (you can be direct without being rude). Remember, you are not asking permission to say 'no' …. don't over-apologise...and don't over-explain. Just keep it simple and to the point – try saying things like; “I appreciate you asking me, but I don't have time at the moment” or “I’m sorry but I can’t help tonight.”

Buy yourself some time – try to break the ‘yes’ cycle, use phrases like “I’ll get back to you,” then consider your options. Having thought it through in your time, you’ll be able to say no with greater confidence.

Separate refusal from rejection - remember you are turning down a request....not the person! People should be able to understand that it is your right to say 'no', just as it is their right to ask the favour.

Don’t feel guilty for saying 'no' to your children – now I know this is a big one to get your head around, but it is actually a really important lesson for them to learn. By saying 'no' from time to time will actually help them develop a sense of self-control....rather than giving in, you are setting boundaries (which will come in handy in their adult life).

Be true to yourself - be clear and honest with yourself about what YOU truly want....get to know yourself better and work on what it is YOU want from life.

Ultimately, it's your life and you are free to make whatever choices in life that are going to be best for YOU and YOUR well-being. If that means declining the odd request, then say allow yourself to be comfortable in saying 'no'. By saying 'no' to circumstances you don't want in your life, you're saying YES to yourself -- and that my friends, that's a beautiful thing.