Learning to say No
Saying no doesn't make you a bad person – it also doesn’t mean that you are being rude, selfish, or unkind.
These kinds of thoughts are detrimental notions and can make saying no EXTREMELY hard..but guess what?
It's time to retrain your brain in thinking otherwise.
Learning to say 'no' can be one of the best things you can do for yourself – it can help you overcome your fear of rejection and help you get more control back in your life. By saying no, you will lose the feeling trapped, resentful or even guilty...and GAIN a sense of empowerment and freedom. Can I get a hell yes?
In short, honouring YOURSELF is the most important thing you can do.
It's a reality, that by saying 'no', you could could hurt someone else's feelings—you may even disappoint someone you respect and admire.....but by saying 'yes' when you don't want to, resentment and regret can start to fester because you have put someone else's needs ahead of your own. These feelings can lead you to be even more critical of yourself and potentially manifest into negative self-talk, which in turn, lead to symptoms of anxiety and depression. Sometimes you have to be cruel (by saying no) to be kind (to yourself).
If you find yourself participating in activities or arrangements that make you feel resentful or possibly mentally and physically exhausted...here are a few ways you can start saying 'NO';
Check in with your body
Your body doesn't lie – next time you are asked to do something, or receive an invitation, take a moment to see how you feel....does the request make you feel tired, or bring on a headache or other unexplained reactions. If the answer is yes, then this is your body's way of telling you something isn't right. Listen to the signals and let that be your guide.
Ask yourself one important question
Ask yourself 'do I really want to do this'? If you are unsure, write down some pros and cons...or talk it through with a friend. Try to break your habit of saying yes without thinking all the factors through.
Start saying 'no' to the 'little' things
Practice saying 'no' to the small things ...telemarketers, sales assistants, the Macca's drive thru guy/girl when they ask if you want the large fries......then move onto the social invitations you know you don't want to accept (you know, your twice removed cousins third wedding etc). Practice makes perfect – the more you start turning down the invitations you don't want, you'll start being better versed in saying no when the bigger invitations/requests come your way.
Don't make elaborate excuses
If you receive an invitation and you don't have any other plans and you just really don't want to go...don't make up an excuse – just keep it simple and say something like 'you can't go that night'. You don't need to justify why you can't go, nor do you have to apologise.
Learning to say 'no' when you genuinely mean 'no' is a skill not many people have. For some people, it comes quite naturally...for others, it requires a conscious effort and considerable practice. It definitely won't feel natural or even right at first - but it is a necessity for living your life as honestly as possible and also contributes to your overall emotional well-being.....imma leave this thought here...for you to ponder over.